Your relationships

cancer survivorship

Cancer care

cancer survivorship

Going through a cancer diagnosis and treatment journey can shift the relationships in your life. It’s not unusual to notice a difference in how you relate to the people around you, both your friends and family, and colleagues too.

Further information

Contact the central customer service centre on

[email protected] or 0860 NETCARE (0860 638 2273)

Please note that the centre operates on weekdays between 08:00 and 16:00.

Social and work relationship

Cancer treatment is a life-changing experience, and it’s normal for your relationships to be impacted by that in some way.

You may find that some relationships feel deeper, stronger and more solid, but others may become strained for any number of reasons. People are complex, and even more so when it comes to something that causes fear and worry like a serious illness.

Your family

When your cancer treatment ends, your family may not be fully ready for the fact that it takes time to recover, even when the treatment has ended. The truth is, recovery can take longer than your actual treatment did. Lots of survivors say that even they didn’t realize how long full recovery would take – so of course your family are likely to not fully understand either. This could lead to worry, disappointment or even impatience and frustration.

Some family’s dynamics change during treatment and this is a change that might be permanent or take time getting used to. For others, problems that were there pre-cancer might still be there or new problems may have developed. Some people find that they received less support than they had hoped.

With all these things to think about, many survivors do say they would not have coped as well as they did without their families, and that even though treatment has ended, they still receive a lot of support.

Getting help with family issues

Some issues might arise within your family as you all adjust to changes caused by cancer. This can be a greater problem for some families than others, depending on things like the ages of any children. You might find that your family prefers to handle issues that arise on its own - but if you feel like you need some help you can ask your doctor, social worker or nurse navigator to guide you to a good counselor or therapist who has experience working with families coming to terms with illnesses.

Tips for managing family relationships:

Manage expectations as much as you can. Tell people what you are able to do as you recover, and what you are unable to do. Maybe someone else has to take out the trash now, or walk the dog.
Give yourself lots of time. This can be intense for everyone, and often you and your family will simply need time to really process the changes.
Take the time to help the children in your family understand that you were treated for cancer, and that it might not have the energy to play with them much for another while.

Children of survivors say there are a few things that really helped them understand and cope:

Being upfront and honest with them
Speaking as clearly, directly and as openly as you can
Letting them be aware of your cancer and be involved in your recovery
Spending some extra time with them

Your workplace

Most survivors go back to their jobs when they are physically capable to do so, and research shows that there is no known impact on their ability to do their jobs. Getting back to work can help you feel like you’re getting back to ‘normal’, back to the life you had before your diagnosis.

Some people change jobs after cancer treatment, for any number of reasons. If you want to look for a new job after your treatment, bear in mind that you don’t have to do more, or accept less, than you did before or than you can handle now.

Whether returning to an old job or starting a new one, some survivors say that they are treated unfairly or differently on their return to work.

Handling problems at work

If you are being treated unfairly or differently since you returned to work after your treatment, consider a few questions:

What rights do you have as an employee?
Do you want to take action to address a problem?
Would you like to continue working there, or start to look for another job?

If you need to adjust something about the way you work, there are steps you can take.

First, talk informally to a union representative, supervisor, personnel office, employee assistance counselor or other suitable person.
Explain you would like to make a change that makes it easier for you to do your job better (this might be working from home, flexitime, or special equipment).
Document each request you make and its outcome, for your records.

Get support where you need it, if you can.

Your doctor or nurse navigator might be able to find times for appointments that won’t cause a conflict with work or other responsibilities.
You could ask your doctor to write a letter to your employer explaining in what way your cancer may impact on your work or even your schedule.

Handling problems at work

If you are being treated unfairly or differently since you returned to work after your treatment, consider a few questions:

What rights do you have as an employee?
Do you want to take action to address a problem?
Would you like to continue working there, or start to look for another job?

If you need to adjust something about the way you work, there are steps you can take.

First, talk informally to a union representative, supervisor, personnel office, employee assistance counselor or other suitable person.
Explain you would like to make a change that makes it easier for you to do your job better (this might be working from home, flexitime, or special equipment).
Document each request you make and its outcome, for your records.

Get support where you need it, if you can.

Your doctor or nurse navigator might be able to find times for appointments that won’t cause a conflict with work or other responsibilities.
You could ask your doctor to write a letter to your employer explaining in what way your cancer may impact on your work or even your schedule.

Friends and co-workers

The ways in which your friends, co-workers, or peers respond to your illness and treatment may vary. Some will likely be a huge source of support, however others may be a cause of frustration, possibly even anger. People generally mean well, but some simply do not know the right thing to say, or how they can offer their support. Others simply won’t want to deal with your cancer at all, for many reasons.

Getting help

If you find that someone else’s behaviour regarding your cancer is hurting you, you could try to talk this through with the person face-to-face. However if nothing changes and if it is affecting your work or your life, don’t be afraid to ask your manager, personnel department, shop steward, employee assistance counselor etc. to help resolve things

Friends and co-workers

Getting help

The ways in which friends, co-workers, or peers respond to your illness and treatment may vary.

If you’re offered help, accept it!
When people offer to help you out, say yes, and you could even have some things in mind that they could actually do to make your life easier. People are often really happy to take direction if they’re not sure how best to support you, and in this way you get what you need and they can feel like they have been a help to you, which is what they want.
Address problems that arise when you go back to work or school.
Supervisors, teachers, or co-workers could be recruited to help the people around you to better understand how you would like to be treated as a survivor.
Stay in contact during your recovery.
Of course your friends and colleagues might worry about you. If you feel like it, talk to them on the phone, send an email or text, or even ask someone to update them on your behalf. You may find a return to work or other activity a bit easier for you and others if you have stayed connected during your time away.
Plan what or how much you want to say about your cancer.
Some survivors prefer not to focus on their cancer when they are back at work, or even to still be ‘linked’ with cancer. Some like to be very open about it, speaking very candidly to colleagues and managers to air worries for example, or correct wrong ideas, and figure out how to best work together. Do what feels right for you.