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A person may seem outwardly ‘okay’ as they go about their daily life, yet others may never know the emotional pain and invisible burden of past experiences weighing heavily on them.

“We all carry emotional experiences, beliefs and unresolved difficulties from the past, and these can continue to affect the way we feel, think and relate to others in the present,” says Kgothatso Chilwane, a psychologist practising at Netcare Akeso Kenilworth.

“Emotional or psychological baggage can involve unresolved grief, trauma, guilt, shame, rejection, disappointment, loss or painful experiences from past relationships or family environments. Traumatic experiences can live with us long afterwards, but this weight doesn’t have to define our future, and we don’t have to bear these burdens alone,” he says.

When painful experiences are not dealt with and continue to weigh a person down, over time, this can affect a person’s self-esteem, relationships or ability to cope with everyday challenges. Facing difficult emotions without being able to process or express them can begin to affect functioning and wellbeing, especially when these feelings are prolonged or unbearable.

Chilwane points out that our emotional resources can be heavily strained by circumstances including financial hardship, family responsibilities, relationship conflict, academic stress, job insecurity, loss and other stressful experiences. “Carrying overwhelming or chronic stress, day after day, can lead to anxiety, low mood, irritability, sleep problems, poor concentration and feelings of hopelessness that can be hard to bear,” he says.

“People who have been through traumatic experiences may feel anxious, sad, angry, more fearful or vigilant than before. For many, these reactions tend to become less intense over time, but for some, the effects may linger and start to disrupt their relationships, work, and daily functioning.

“Mental wellbeing is not separate from the realities of everyday life. Awareness of what we’re carrying can be an important first step in understanding ourselves, and seeking appropriate help when needed,” he says.

Life stressors can contribute to emotional distress and increase a person’s vulnerability to suicidal behaviour at times. However, Chilwane explains that it’s overly simplistic to suggest that a mental health crisis can be attributed to a single event.

“It’s often asked ‘why’ someone becomes clinically depressed or what motivates a person to take their own life, but in reality, this question cannot be reduced to any one factor or set of circumstances when mental health is so complex,” he says.

“It’s not always easy to know when someone is struggling with their mental health. People respond differently to similar situations, and things like social support, past experiences, coping skills, and access to resources can affect how we navigate tough times,” he says.

“Supportive relationships, healthy coping mechanisms, and appropriate professional care can be helpful for coping with the effects of whatever burdens a person may be carrying. There doesn’t need to be a crisis for someone to seek professional support,” says Chilwane.

“If you feel overwhelmed or your burdens start to impact your daily life, relationships, work, studies or your ability to take care of yourself, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional. Through developing emotional awareness and coping mechanisms, psychotherapy can assist with managing difficult emotions and their impact on us overall,” he explains.

“The simple act of asking our loved ones, friends and colleagues how they are really doing can be hugely meaningful for someone who is feeling isolated and unsure about how to show they need help. In some cases, it may even be lifesaving.”

Psychologist’s tips for coping with what you’re carrying

Step 1: Define what you are carrying: Sometimes, people try to minimise or avoid difficult emotions. By taking the time to identify whether you are feeling grief, fear, anger, shame, stress or loneliness, these experiences become easier to understand and communicate.

Step 2: A burden shared: Talk to someone you trust. Being social and having support is invaluable when getting through difficult times. Find a trusted friend, family member or professional to talk to for support. Call the Netcare Akeso 24-hour crisis line on 0861 435 787 to talk to a trained counsellor any time.

Step 3: Take care of the basics: Maintain healthy routines such as regular sleep, physical activity and other forms of self-care. Overall wellbeing supports better coping, while relaxation and stress-management techniques can be helpful.

Step 4: Beware of unhealthy coping mechanisms: Alcohol or drugs may temporarily numb emotional pain but can lead to additional problems and negatively affect mental health in the long run.

Step 5: Focus on what’s doable: When life feels overwhelming, breaking problems down into smaller steps and focusing on what can be dealt with now may help restore a sense of control.

Signs of concern

“A person doesn’t always say when they’re struggling with their mental health,” says Kgothatso Chilwane, a psychologist practising at Netcare Akeso Kenilworth. The following are common signs that a person may be struggling:

• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Loss of interest in activities enjoyed in the past
• Changes in sleep or eating patterns
• Increased irritability
• Difficulty concentrating
• Decline in functioning at work, school or home

“If someone expresses hopelessness or a wish to die, these are warning signs that should always be taken seriously, especially when noted alongside other signs of concern,” he says. 

Talking about wanting to die, withdrawing from others, giving away important possessions, saying goodbye in unusual ways, taking increased risks, or increasing alcohol or drug use can be signs a person is considering suicide, and require urgent action. Assist the person to access professional support and never leave them alone.

“It is also okay to ask them directly if they are having thoughts of harming themselves or ending their life. Asking someone about suicide does not mean you are planting the idea in their mind. People who contemplate suicide or self-harm may have been experiencing these thoughts for some time,” Chilwane says.

“Let’s remember that struggling doesn’t always look like sadness. Some may become quiet, angry, very anxious or strangely detached. And others may continue to discharge their duties while in private they are suffering great distress. That’s why it’s so important to truly be aware, notice changes and have regular check-ins with the people in our own circles.”

Ends.

About Netcare Akeso
Netcare Akeso operates a network of private inpatient mental health facilities and is part of the Netcare Group. Netcare Akeso provides individual, integrated and family-oriented treatment in specialised inpatient facilities, as well as certain outpatient services, for a range of psychiatric, psychological and substance use conditions.

Please visit www.akeso.co.za or contact [email protected] for further information.

In the event of a psychological crisis, call 0861 435 787, 24 hours a day for emergency support. Psychiatrist consultations can be made through Netcare appointmed™, online at www.netcareappointmed.co.za or by calling 0860 555 565.

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